The 8 Days of Nicaragua

Hola amigos y amigas!

Inspired by David Sedaris, I’d like to share with you a couple of cultural vignettes, faux paus and other tiny miracles from my week in Nicaragua!

There are no such things as street numbers in addresses in Nicaragua. Instead, directions are relative. For example, to get to my host family’s house, I gave this address—It’s by the high school, 2 blocks up and one block over. And to get to the AKF Center—“It’s near the Hotel Caesar. You know? Just keeping going on the end of that street.” The amazing thing is that the taxi drivers actually did know (once I showed them the piece of paper saying the exact same thing), and they got me there every time.

U.S. soap operas have nothing on telenovelas. Besides watching extremely political shows where the hosts were able to fit 256 words into every breath, my host mother Dona Yelba and I watched lots of dramatic tv shows. One was literally called “Those Who Hurt the Women” and involved a drunken father who beat his wife and children when they didn’t bring in enough money begging on the street, gang fights, a car accident, lots of fainting, and the eventual return of a long-lost son who rescued the family from the crazy father. Dona Yelba assured me that this all really happens in Nica, but I’m assuming it usually doesn’t all take place in half an hour. I could be wrong, though.

Besides gringa, there is also the beautiful word “chelita” or “little pale girl.” I can’t tell you how much I love being called that. Upon meeting one of my co-workers friends, I told him how I pretended not to understand Spanish whenever anyone said that to me. He replied, just wait til you come out at night with us!

Fairs are the same everywhere. We went to one in Managua Sunday night, complete with all of the same gamble-on-your-life rides. After deciding not to test our odds, we went over to listen to a live band who ended up bringing a plus-size woman on stage and bouncing the singers off of her (I’m not kidding). Then I got interviewed by a local news station, who realized I had a toddler’s vocabulary and quickly pulled the mic away.

Also, guess how many times I showered with running water during the week? I’ll give you a hint—it’s the number of Lynn Spears’ daughters who have never been pregnant before. (Side note for you celibri-whores: Lynn Spears’ book on Christian parenting has been temporarily put on hold, which is sad, because now what am I going to read in Nicaragua?)

OK, those are just a couple juicy tidbits. I can’t give everything away! Happy Holidays, Feliz Navidad, and I’ll write soon, I promise!

Soon, Really Soon!

Hi all,
Sorry for not updating more! These past few weeks have been a whirlwind, in part because I'm getting ready to go down to Nica! I'll be down there from the 10th to the 18th, finding out what AKF would like on their Web site and in their newsletter, and participating in a fiesta—which, as you all know, I'm a big fan of. :) There will 200 to 300 people from all of the Nicaraguan communities that they work with coming to the Center, so that should be fun.

Also, I will get to stay with a family, so I'll get lots of practice speaking Spanish! I am currently reading David Sedaris' oh-so-funny book, Me Talk Pretty One Day, and he describes his French skills as a mix between "spooky man-child" and a country accent (them there's apples is mighty big, or something along those lines). So, hopefully I'll have lots of funny stories of horrible translations to share with you!

Wish me luck! And thank you for voting and commenting, even if some are inappropriate (TANIA KU).

A History Lesson

Hey y'all (eww I hate that word lol) Anwyay, I'm back! Sorry for the delay...I may actually be headed down to Nicaragua now for a couple weeks in Dec. and then go back the beginning of February...I should know more about that tonight. Here's some interesting conspiracy theories about where the word "gringo" came from to keep you occupied in the meantime....

*Some say it came from a war (there is debate over which one), where Latin Americans would yell Green, go home! (since U.S. soldiers wear green uniforms). That was then shortened to green go, or gringo.

*Another funny one that makes me sad, too...in Mexico people call tortillas filled with pork and cheese gringos...the flour tortilla is white with brown spots, similar to white skin with brown freckles.

* Another one: They see money (green) and they go after it. Awesome.

*A much more boring, but probably accurate idea: gringo means foreigner in Spanish, which is most likely a derivative of the word for Greek--griega.

The whole reason for the slang word for a U.S. citizen as gringo stems from us being arrogant (per usual) and proclaiming ourselves "Americans" from "America," even though we make up a very small part of N and S America. And this, children, concludes our history lesson for the day!

I'm a Genius! (And you are, too)

Just a quick post to let you all know the reading level required for this blog is genius! :) So, that makes you a genius if you're reading it. There's lots of drama at the moment with a job offer and Nica, so I'll try and update soon when I know a little more.

Cash Advance Loans

Fun with Blogs!

¡Hola amigas y amigos! As most of you probably already know, it’s looking like all systems go for moving to Nicaragua in January. I’ll be there for 18 months, working with AKF (http://www.akfnica.org/). I’ll explain more about the organization and what I’ll be doing down there in upcoming posts, but here are some of the things on my mind ahora!

During my October stay in Nicaragua, we witnessed lots of positive work, as well as lots of devastating events. Here are a few personal, national, and international rants and raves:

(Side note: From now on, I’ll call Nicaragua Nica, like all the cool people do.)

Things that slightly terrify me:

1. People think I’m dying.

AKA: I won’t have to attend my own funeral because I now know what will be said! Before I begin, I do appreciate all the positive things people have said, but people, it’s 18 months! My mom—the woman I get my emotions from—has now moved on past the crying stage and given me a book of poems about daughters with the relevant passages (half the book) highlighted. I think the highlighter ran out of fluid. Also, a co-worker told me I was doing a noble thing, so I am pleased to let you all know I will now be adding knight/warrior to my resume. Much like death, others prefer to simply not talk about it, or pretend that it is not happening, which, to each their own, I guess. I’ll keep you updated on how it progresses.

2. A national state of disaster in Nicaragua is apparently not news in the U.S....anywhere.

Because of the devastating rains and flooding that have wiped out 70% of Nicaragua’s crops, they declared a state of disaster while we were there. Our group was very concerned that our friends and family would see this splashed all over newspapers, and worry that they hadn’t heard from us. Nicaragua rations their electricity—whenever they feel like it, it seems—which turns the internet into a lottery. We were finally able to get an e-mail out the Sat. after the declaration, only to learn that there was NOTHING on any of the news networks about it. It makes me very sad and frustrated with U.S. international news coverage. I understand that not every international event can be covered, but I think it has a lot to do with power and past Nica-U.S. relations. I could be paranoid—you decide.

3. Give women rights? Preposterous!

Nicaragua outlawed therapeutic abortions in cases of rape, incest, or life-threatening circumstances in November of 2006, and renewed it again in Sept. ‘07. The law basically says that even if a pregnant woman is dying on the emergency room floor, a doctor is not legally allowed to touch her. We met with a women’s clinic in an extremely impoverished part of Managua, and a member of their staff shared with us the everyday ramifications. At least 80 women, she said, had died as a result of this law. Human Rights Watch has informative articles and a report on the abortion ban.

Article: http://hrw.org/english/docs/2007/10/01/nicara16987.htm

Report Overview: http://hrw.org/reports/2007/nicaragua1007/1.htm%20-%20_Toc178672132

4. My Spanish

I know this seems shallow in comparison, but imagine sending a 3-year-old with speech problems into the world on his or her own. I understand probably 80 percent of what people are saying, but when I speak it back, I’m pretty sure I have a gringa accent to the max. It’s painful to watch people try and figure it out lol. At first I thought it was because I was a girl, because when Kendal or Mémo would repeat the same thing I said, the light bulb would go off on people’s faces, and they would say, Ohhh! (Or whatever that translates to in Spanish). Then my arrogant self realizes that it probably wasn’t because I’m a girl, but because my accents sucks lol. Think Borat times ten. SO, if any of you fluent Spanish speakers are reading this and want to do some charity work, I would love to have un conversación contigo.

Things I enjoy in Nica:

1. A Women’s co-op that turns free trade on its head

We met with a group in Ciudad Sandino, just outside of Managua, that operates a fair-trade, worker-owned clothing factory. The strange part is that it is actually in a free-trade zone, which is usually associated with sweatshops, low wages, etc. The reason for doing this is so that they get the tax breaks on exported products, and then all of the money generated comes back to them. It’s basically a polite F-U to the large corporations who have exploited free trade zones. Also, Mike, the guy we met with down there, explained how some larger companies exploit the fair trade label, but that’s a lesson for another day! Here’s a link to their org: http://www.fairtradezone.jhc-cdca.org/story.htm

2. Ebenezer Farm—Goat is the new Cow

Because Nicaragua is located in the tropics and susceptible to the whims of the diva known as global warming, farmers and their families are often hit with severe flooding or drought, and are then SOL. Ebenezer Farm, or Rancho Ebenezer, offers a five-year educational program on reforestation, innovative methods of farming, and small animal raising as an alternative to cows—all of which can be done in their backyard. The goats, which you make housing for, are easier to care for than cows, and can produce goat cheese and milk, which fetches higher prices at the market. Rabbits, chickens, and a several types of vegetables are also included and add variety to the diet. We had a lunch there afterwards—slightly disturbing, I know—but it was delicious. The idea is that farmers have to pay back the loans for the animals and crops, meaning that they are invested and will eventually be self-sufficient and generating revenue: http://www.ranchoebenezer.org/

3. Kendalario Chispas

For those of you who would like this translated, his name is Kendal Sparks, and he is an awesome human being currently volunteering with AKF in Nica. I don’t mean to toot my own horn, but we make quite an impressive translating duo. We were able to survive a lunch on our own together in La Danta, and understand everything that our host family said (minus something about a monster, the garden, and Elena’s “very beautiful”—we got that part—cousin). However, when he is left to his own devices, he tends to translates sentences like “baby clothes are so cute” into “it makes them want to make babies.” Thus, a large reason I feel compelled to go to Nica is to help the dear boy…En serio, though, he has an amazing blog that some of you I know already stalk—http://blog.myspace.com/kendalsparks —(check it out if you haven’t done so) and he was also in musical theater at Michigan with my Semester at Sea buddy Mark Christine, so you know he has to be cool.

In case you were wondering what the title of my blog means, “Gringolandia” is what many Nicaraguans call the U.S. It’s like Disney Land for the gringos, if you will. If you don’t know what a gringo is, please let me know and we’ll have a one-on-one about that one.

So, in conclusion, if you are reading this (and have made it ALL THE WAY to the end), you know that I am an attention whore and would LOVE to receive comments, criticisms, love, teasings, etc from you! Please don’t disappoint me, kiddos.